ole ole oleannna.......maybe not

Well too bad when you have your heart set on something it can be opened up for being broken, if you don't end up getting what said heart wants.  And thus was my latest audition.  Round two of callbacks.  Really connected with the script more so than I wanted to be (ask if you want :) and I walked out saying that quintessential phrase actors tend to say, "I nailed it."  If only I could bully fate up against the wall, grab him by his collar, and say, "Hey buddy you feeling lucky?? Uh? Cuz I am."  I say that well cause fate won.  So much of this business really is not based on luck but by pure illogical who knows what they're thinking wild hair up their asses decision making bastards.  Okay maybe not bastards. And I know a few nice casting directors out there.  And really in the end it is about  me needing to accept the "vision" of what the artistic director, casting director, so and so's grandma really wants to see out of the show.  And for me at this time (gulp) I wasn't the choice.....for Carol in Oleanna. One part ...one drop in the pond.

It's funny how rejection, opportunities not working out, can often lead us to either realizing what we really want or leading us to do what we are supposed to be doing all along. Or both.  Not landing that role made me realize I am done done done done done done..... with mom and pop, dog and pony, grab ass theatre.  Did I just say grab ass? Because this theatre company was just really great. Inspired me. And even if I have to wwwwwwwwait it out, turn another corner (instead of working one), hand my headshot over to someone who might not really ever look at it, at least I know now that I want and I will get real theatre.  I am done with sing song follow the leader harmonize with bad bass players bull..... excuse me. Almost forgot you were there. Maybe listening as I bellow out my sorrows of change.  But wait! Let me continue my rant of how I found something good in my latest adventure of actorama!

Ready ...cause here it is!

I deserve better than what I have been getting/giving.  I also deserve what I really want.  And what I really want is good.  And it will happen. Maybe not right at this moment.  But it will happen.  IT being what I really want from life, theatre, love, and of course my cat. 

Ah. done. ok now you go back to what you were doing before.

Is anyone reading this thing?

:))